Nowadays, you wake up feeling like something squeezes your chest. To be precise, it is the pain that wakes you. You’re lucky you still can breath. And if you hold on enough, it will go away after several minutes. But the pain of regret, you know better than anyone, never really go. It just stays there and gets bigger every day.
What will you do? Will you let it consume you?
Solitary confinement is the worst punishment in prison. But look at what you do to yourself. At first, you just don’t reply to people’s messages. You said you don’t have the energy to listen to their problems and you don’t feel like to interact. It’s okay. I understand. Sometimes, we want to be alone. We can be so overwhelmed by our own feelings and thoughts that we feel the need to retreat. But then, you don’t know how to go back. As if you have lost the ability to connect. Even when it gets too lonely, you feel too awkward to approach again. You also feel guilty and shame. You believe, in the process of you figuring out your life, you have neglected them. So, you get even more withdrawn until you slowly live in isolation.
Inside your own solitary confinement, you learn the importance of relationships. That everything you have probably lose its meaning when you don’t have anyone you can share your life with. You also learn how heavy it can be to get involve with other people. You’ll probably get hurt, or worse you’ll hurt them and become a disappointment. However, before you come to the point of no return, can you ask yourself how long you are going to be afraid? Can’t you stop hiding and try to open up again?
The pain in your chest wakes you up. The image of you end up alone in the darkest side of the world flashes by. You hurriedly watch another series to ignore it. But you cannot unsee it. The more you try, the bigger your shame gets. Until you finally believe there’s no place for you in this world.
What to do?
You ask and ask.
Go! To the sun. To the light.
But you still hide and hide.
