Don’t Worry, You’re Healing: Embracing a Slow and Steady Recovery

At one point in my life, I thought that I would never get out of the deepest and darkest abyss I had been living in throughout my college years. I felt so miserable that I nearly gave up hope. But then, one day, I found myself on the outside. I stood at the edge, but I knew I had escaped. Now, I am moving forward.

Despite this progress, my path often feels like a dark, endless tunnel. When I catch a glimpse of light and believe I have finally reached the end, darkness engulfs me once more. Although I don’t feel as hopeless as I did before, I am tired. My existence feels like a burden, bringing a desire to just drop everything and quit. Yet, I never want to die. Because the moment I was out of that abyss, I decided I wanted to live.

However, I find myself barely living life’s bare minimum. I rarely socialize, not even with my friends. Maintaining basic self-care feels like a struggle. I don’t want anything, and I see no point in anything. It frustrates me and makes me feel useless. I wonder if my situation has worsened instead of improved. Remembering my past, though, reassures me that I might be where I am supposed to be, even if it feels challenging.

I am exhausted, but I am even more tired of the stagnant state I am in. I realized that I want more from my life. Not in a material sense. Rather, it is a desire to explore and experience more; to connect and belong to both a person and a community.

This morning, I received a newsletter from my favorite YouTuber psychologist who mentioned that getting better can sometimes make you feel worse. The fear of losing progress is one reason for this.

“As you start to feel better, you suddenly have something to lose. This newfound hope, while positive, can feel fragile and scary.”

Does it mean that my healing process is actually progressing? I hope so. One takeaway from living in the abyss is you keep doing what you can even when you feel everything will never get better for you. It will eventually lead you somewhere, like climb out of darkness.

Living with a mental health condition is daunting and requires a lot of patience. While it is normal to feel left behind in life, we shouldn’t constantly compare ourselves to others or fixate on every mistake. That can make us forget to appreciate how far we’ve come on our journey.

Expectations naturally rise as we get better. Therefore, we should learn to manage them. It’s okay to slowly rebuild our lives.

“…setbacks are normal. If you do crash, you already know how to survive rock bottom. You’ve done it before, you can do it again if you need to.”